Wish you were here - Incubus

Ifs.

If you were here, I would bring you to the beach so you can see how the sunrise resembles your presence in my life.

If you were here, I would take you to the hills overlooking the cities and its people because with you, I wouldn't need any of them.

If you were here, I would sit with you beneath the clear night while staring up at the stars as there is nothing else to compare you to.

If you were here, I would have someone to read all these words I have been wanting to say to the right person.

If only you were here, I would be the happiest person for there is nothing else I want.

Buts

But you're not here and I won't be able to tell you that everytime you look into my eyes, all I can see is bliss.

But you're not here and I can't tell you how much your smile makes me feel that everday is a gift.

But you're not here and I can't tell you how your every move is as graceful as a swan's flight into the heavens.

But you're not here and I can't laugh or cry because love is a bittersweet symphony performed by you and I.

But you're not here and I can't tell you that I love you despite everything that has, is and will happen.

Happy Birthday - Anonymous

Going into 22 with about 3 hours away is kind of weird for me. For one, i'm studying for my exams..well i've been doing so for the past 16 years but it's only dawned upon me this year. oh well, never too late =)

Second, it's abit more serious this year. Partly because i am reaching that age where you actually go out and work to support yourself rather than stay at home and be supported by people who actually go out and work to support you and themselves.

Third, ever since coming to perth to study, i feel that everything in life has changed. that's generally and quite frankly speaking, the changes have not stopped. bar physical changes, maybe living alone, out of your security blanket really does force you to grow up, akin to a butterfly's transformation. that and of course i live longer than 2 weeks.

Fourth, there is nothing better than your ability to socialize with other people in helping you stay sane in perth. not that hanging out with the same group of friends is madness but then again, you pay big money to study in a foreign country, so might as well explore the country in detail no? this is especially true considering the transient period we are all in now.

Turning 21 is like a leap from being young into being an adult. Turning 22 makes you realize that turning 21 was just a trial period for adulthood. This time it's real.

Stanley Kubrick - Mogwai

You know those weird husband-wife stories where the husband and wife just can't work it out in bed and thus the wife is allowed to have liaisons with other men to compensate her less than average married sex life?

Imagine the wife got pregnant and the husband insists on keeping the child. Then, as the years go into decades, the husband still possesses unwavering love for the kid and the wife ( i'd just go mad like mr. torrance) until one day, by accident or confession the kids finds out that his dad isn't his real dad. Just imagine the severity of the truth impacting the kid's life after what 20 years.

What would the kid do then? Makes you wonder how far the repercussions of your present actions go into the future. Lesson learned: think ahead and have a pro-sexlifeless husband pre-nup.

Through the fire and flames - Dragonforce

When we were little, it was easier for us to call other people around our age, names. Simply because at that age, everyone was so naive and only had one clear and definite expression at any given time.

Now then, when we all are a little bit more...fat, we find it harder to give or label other people simply because we have so many different facades. Like me for instance, you could call me homosexual based on the hair I have ( no, i was kidding about that.really) or call me an olympic champion if you knew why i don't exactly walk; i strut most of the time. Or maybe you could call me lazy just by counting the number of days I am not in class. Either way, it's not as simple as calling me fatboy. well, most of the time that is.

So how does this all relate? You see, I have a friend who happens to be something of a highly-motivated and results driven kind of guy. whatever that means. all i know is he shows off alot of his stuff to us which we know we can't get owing to our present predicament..no, situation. Now, I always thought he was somewhat abit of a w***** but late last night, in a frenzy and haze of dizzying flashbacks, I realise that he does all that simply because he is a friend of ours.

I'm not saying a friend of a mine is necessarily a wanker. What I am trying to say is that all the things he does..well the things he shows off to us is actually very much like a process of being friends with us. he shows..well the correct word here now is share, really. Anyway, he shares with us all his stuff simply because he knows we care and he cares about us knowing because with friends, sharing is indeed caring. So beneath a fake hubris of a showoff, our dear friend is indeed our very dear friend as he bothers and takes the time to tells us all about his achievements solely because he wants all his friends to celebrate the occasion with him as how he would with anyone one of us.

So next time, whenever you think a friend of urs is abit of a showoff, remember he's just really happy to be able to share something he has with yous guys.

wowz.i just made so much sense that my head is hurting.

I know you are but what am I? - Mogwai

Caution, if you are feeling really positive right now. Do me a favour and turn away to perhaps, happy tree friends or something. This post is all about me being lost and how the different emotions I am feeling reflect the various situations I am in right now. Gosh I just wrote a summary of my post. wowza


I hate going through these times where I do not know what I'm doing and why I'm doing whatever it is I'm on. I hate it because I do not like uncertainties. No one likes feeling lost in just about everything which matters. friends, studies, families, activities, religion, mentality, words and wtv. everything's a blur right now and i don't mean the good kind.

Take for example, I am now living with someone who has penchant for controlling everyone. That's her and I sure as hell would not like to change that because she might turn into an even more horrible kind of person. The type which I will not hesitate to maim, chop, slice, murder and then throw her body parts all over the state of western australia, the biggest state of australia. Back to the story, I am living with her but then again, I am being pushed to socialize and mix around with her solely because of a cockup made by another friend made by having his girlfriend live in the house, at which due to a mismatch of personalities or my preferences of not doing house chores immediately or maybe even because of a miscommunication (i honestly couldn't be bothered to find out more so move out of the house), has resulted in the lovely house of 6 turn into something of a house occupied by 3 factions, each with distinct languages.

It will forever haunt me the fact that I have somehow arrived at this junction purely by me not doing anything other than saying "yes, even though i have met her only once before, I think she would make a great addition to the household and a good girlfriend for you as well, go for it mate". New age spiritualist call this something related to karma. More rudimentary views would include whatever I am facing now is but a challenge I need to overcome. An even more fundamentalist view would be that I am paying for my past transgressions or sin, if you will. I think its a complete cock up of situations.

The only things which I could have done wrong were saying go for it, not washing the dishes as soon as I finished the last speck of curry on it, not paying for groceries as soon as I am told to not fret over it, and of course, keeping quiet and not saying a single word because if you're right, the truth will always fail. or was it prevail.something like that.

I would hazard a guess that because I did not wash the plates as soon as I was done eating and because I did not have enough cash when I was told to pay up and because I may have appeared to good of a friend and also because I have not said anything since to show innocence, I am being paid for whatever I am feeling right now. Such is the view of most religions. argue all you want but at some point, every single religion will always go back to the point that you will pay for your sins no matter what.

In the midst of all these, what we are really doing is being selfish really. You can call it protecting what's rightfully yours or fighting for what you want. A friend of mine who is abit of an idiot decided to fool us one day by saying something trivial and along the lines of everyone is greedy. needless to say, we laughed at him hard. But here i am, contemplating that silly man's thoughts and it really does make sense.

My friend was and is selfish for wanting a girlfriend at the expense of the friendship with everyone else in the house. Me? I am probably being selfish as I want peace and quiet, my friend back the way he was and the way how things where before.His girlfriend, well can't blame her for being on the low end of the intelligent scale, is rather stupid as the only reason she is here, as far as i can see, is to play the role of a faithful wife who cooks for him and have practice runs with him before they actually make children. there is no other conceivable and rational reason for her to be living in this house besides that.There are two other girls in the house who used to be rather annoying and still are but the friendships I have with them and the friendships they have with my friend will never be the same again since they fully well know I am extra friendly with them now that I've just been ditched for a woman who will be staying until june. fk i sound like someone without a life. and i don't doubt it for one minute.

it's always been faint but now its as clear as the sun,i need to get a life.

At this point in life, the emotions I am currently feeling at the moment are hopelessness, blurness akin to everything around you just going past you in a blur, feeling lost and a lil anger.

Name me one person who would like to fly a plane but doesn't mind now knowing where to go.

How do you determine the quality of a friendship? I know things like good friends, best friends, close friends, friends with benefits and the like are all a part of function used to determine which people you like best without sounding rude. But how do you determine what is good and bad in a friendship?

I have a friend who does nothing but enjoy the life he has and he takes it one step at a time. Normally, society would not be so supportive of such a lifestyle as he does not have a job nor is he contributing to the 'positive' aspects of society as per a typewriter, as an example.

Or maybe I have friends who firmly believe there is only one ending when you die. Only one ending, the only thing which matters which deity/person/god's name you muttered just before your last breath. How crazy is that?

P.S. I know this post is shit and doesn't have any sense of coherency but you see, I don't care anymore because I don't know what to care about anymore? How did I end up here anyway?

P.P.S I really need to get a life. If you are laughing and calling me a sad lil runt,well I can't say much other than thanks for reading all the way.

Travel is Dangerous - Mogwai

Glasgow Mega-Snake - Mogwai

I hate this thing I happen to do alot called sleepwalking through life. It is when you do things which seem natural to you yet when you ask yourself why do you do it and how did you first started to do it or have a specific set of mindset towards it that you begin to realise you've been had. So, for the past 20 years or so,

• You've been brainwashed into thinking that western culture>eastern culture. Don't believe me now?
  
  Alright then.Formal wear. What was the first thing that came to mind? I bet you it resembled something along the lines of black pants, tie, black shoes, jacket, coat, shirt. Why is that? That's just the beginning.
  
  
• The reason why you like that girl so much isn't so much so that she is the nicest or the prettiest girl around (awww c'mon we're all old enough for this talk). It is because everyone single guy you know wants her. She's the trophy; she's the fox and yous guys are all hunting hounds. Plain and simply as it can be.
  
  No, naww, nope, shhh. I can say it coz I am like any other man. Easily tempted. I'm weak as shit. I see beauty if she's shaped good at the y with a nice bust. I don't care if she's black, brown, white, yellow, tanned, pale, albino. latino, english, chinese, vietnamese, thai or indonesian. doesn't matter. all it matters to me at the end of the day is whether her pants are loose enough for me to get in. There, took me 20 years to figure this one out.
  
  Crude language aside, all I'm really saying is that any guy who says that he doesn't have whatever I just said in mind towards any girl he thinks is pretty is a complete faggot or a guy who just wants som action. Jerks, you might say.
  
  
• There is no real and definite yes or no. There's only a range where yes is right and no is wrong. Similarly, there's a range where yes and no are right and where yes and no are wrong.
  
  Which means..well, if you don't get it, I don't see how the rest of the post is gonna help you yeah?
  
  
• Don't hold on to the things you can see. It's the things which you can't see which are important.
  
  I'd rather be the world's happiest man than the world's richest man. 'nuff said.
  
  
• The reason why people scream at each other is because their hearts are too far away. Ever wondered why couples deeply in love never seem to raise their voice? Coz they don't have to. Their hearts are right next to each other. took it off some email chain.

Hell, I don't know why I write stuff like these down at times like these. Maybe I would compile a self help book for people who need it. I can see the title: "Here's how to take control of yourself from the world". LOL I'm typing down as I'm thinking all this up and the funny thing is, I keep asking myself this question alot nowadays: Why not?

one thing lead to another and i suddenly found myself asking myself why not muslim or buddhism or hinduism? and you know, for all the education at sunday school and numerous sunday service-s, i didn't have an answer.

Change of Seasons - Dream Theatre

Recently, a few of us took up fishing. Well, the pictures tell the rest of the story. Sort of.

Hell's Kitchen - Dream Theater

There are a tons of stuff which everyone tries to understand and accept. Some things are trivial like having to queue up for hours on end at a government office or why paying 1.10 dollars for a paper when you could minus the hassle of finding that 10 cents by paying only 1 dollar. Other things are abit more abstruse and consequently, a great many people often have divided opinions over them. Like how critics are always divided between how good or how bad something is.Which reminds me of book critics. You can almost never have a book with 100% good reviews. Or maybe, that's always the case with anything.

Anyway...I've been reading this book written by this lady, which is abit heavy on social sciences but as always, these are the types of books which give me the greatest er..for lack of a better word, pleasure since as controversial as these books may be, they can be likened to catalysts in an effort to gain a well-rounded understanding of the ever changing global, social,political and quintessentially, financial landscape. Somehow asking a ninja just doesn't work in this case.

Another thing with these books and the topics covered by them is that, there is always a sense of awe mixed with horror when you read about issues like how patients were 'used' for extensive ECT in order to perfect the technique and methodology but suffered irreparable neuro damage and how the supposed miracle of chile was brutally achieved by this man with the help of this man.

That aside, think about how you fit or would fit in the midst of all this. You, reading this, are most likely within the 18 to 25 years old bracket. So, in a scant few years, you could be someone opposing radical changes to the country or you could be on the side trying to impose unpopular and unjust policies or you could just be part of the majority of the population who curse under their breath whenever there is a tax increase or when another one of those politicians you've elected on good faith gets embroiled in another sex scandal but you just get on with life since you firmly and strongly believe you can't do anything about everything anyway.

It's amazing isn't it? you're probably just starting work and fresh out of uni or in your final year. You're most likely more worried about completing that assignment or planning the next clubbing event or grumbling about the last tiff you had with your parents or for your first ever interview than giving half a mind about the next economic policy or the various bill drafts involving employment restrictions, benefits and minimum pay rates which will, faster than you know it, affect you.

Machiavelli: If you're going to offend, do it all at once so that it does not taste bitter.

5.15 - The Who

His name John Entwistle. He was the bassist of the millennium. He died at the age of 57 due to the mixture of cocaine and bedding a stripper.

All Nightmare Long -Metallica

I feel damn stressed man. First, i come back to find my stuff missing. Second, another 6 months of putting up with people epitomizing stupidity and egocentricity. Third, most of the people i get along pretty well are leaving and leaving again soon. Fourth, i'm feeling homesick. Fifth,i can't lock my door;anything can happen to me while i'm asleep and i can't wake up easily!

PHEW...

It is true that people only complain to those who can't do anything about it. You, reading this, cannot possibly do anything about it. So, let's put aside those negative vibes and think about something good. something positive. something funny. something happy.

One, someone who i've known since last year is beginning to become nicer, well it's probably because he has to impress someone close to him but hey, we're all benefiting so it's olright.

Two, I'm becoming a big fan of this guy. He's behind the man which a great many people have come to either love or die trying to love; simply named the Ninja. The Ninja's wisdom encompasses every single thing in the universe, from love and killing a ninja to coming up with the best excuses for any occasion. Definitely, the best thing to do if you ever thought about doing anything is to ask a ninja!!

Three, I've been to the beach two days in a row now and enjoyed it. The only drawbacks are the salty water (it's really salty here), the sand which gets into every single orifice of your erm..clothes, the occasional jellyfishes and sharks, long drive to the beach and tiring out before having fun. However, once you take that dive into the sea, soak up the sun whilst lying down on the beach, watch swimsuit model lookalikes from sports illustrated swimsuit collection like her and her and her running up and down the beach like how them baywatch females do it, you suddenly want to just be at the beach every single day!Daymnnn!!!

Four, summer's coming to an end. The days will get shorter. The nights will get longer. The weeks will be cooler. The months will be colder. The sleep will be better and longer too!

Come As You Are - Nirvana

Pokerface - Lady gaga

Exams starting in exactly 8 hours.

Law (business organisation) 222: 8.30AM-10.40AM
Finance (principles) 215: 1.00PM-3.10PM

Exams finishing in less than 15 hours.

And then, I'll be back in Perth for another year. Another year of what? study, reflection, improvement, test of faith, working, business, fun, enjoyment? shit i don't have all the answers but i do know that after this year, ima start out on my own for my own stuff. if i don't, i'll never know if i ever can. hey, better to fall hard knowing the truth rather than tread with trepidation and always asking yourself the what if questions.

Take it like a man!! LOL.

Waltz for Aidan - Mogwai

Amidst the cheerful banter and seemingly never ending supply of mandarins,chinese new year's quite an important, if not the most important event for most families since it's probably the only time where the whole family gets together and when they do, it's quite a pretty sight. You get to hear stuff about your parents which you'd never thought was possible with, you get to see your parents' parents bossing your parents around, catching up and sharing the latest gossip with cousins and relatives, seeing the joy on everyone's faces as they are meeting up,for what is most likely, the only time of the year.

Family gossips, who's up and who's down, what's gonna happen to cousin A or uncle B or aunty C, what happened to the guy which aunt D brought back the last time and stuff are still prime examples of what happens after a dinner and a few drinks and gambling sessions. It's entertaining but it gets scary when all eyes are on you. Here are a few examples:

When are you getting married?
Wah you can speak so many dialects, indonesian chinese girlfriend ar?
Walao, ler kia jin tuak liao eh!! uu chabo liao bo?

I thought it only happens to girls above the age of 20; the marriage thing and stuff. I had never thought I'd be on the receiving end of such questions delivered with so much ferocity and thick-faced aunties. It's unnerving because only a few years ago, I was 18 and the only things which I knew well and could do well was playing computer games and sneaking out of the house. Now, I'm 22...i mean, 20++ and i'm expected to know why and how the US economy affects the world, how does plastic affect oil prices, how interest rates and currency values are inter-related, why you should not just save money in the bank but diversify, why people can hop parties and just about everything there is on wikipedia.

Daymnn, should have paid more attention in class.

Empty - The Click Five

I'm 22 this year and damn i feel old. Especially old when all my other classmates for summer school's about 19 or 20. Speaking of summer school, I'm once again reminded about the huge gap between a developing nation and one that's developed.

First, the college I'm in is mightily small! It's even smaller than my highschool la omg. Frankly speaking, many amenities here are basic and leave much to be desired. Or maybe I'm just too pampered. Well,sue me if demanding for the latest books and also for lecturers who don't spoon feed is too much.

Second of all, the parking here is horrible. Imagine having to get out at least 45 minutes before class starts even though you live like 2 streets down away from the college.

Third, it's abit weird looking at those going to college and in their teens simply because after this point in their lives, everything's gonna change big time. and also, i've noticed that most of the teenagers stick to their cliques like damn rapat2 la. Also, most of them guys seem to have this general expression and impression resembling a composite of air-headedness, arrogance, unfriendliness and for some, downright stupidity. Imagine this dude acting macho and walking down the hallway with his sunglasses on, black shirt, light-brown khakis and mismatching sportshoes with his fly down. you can only scream WTF in your head so many times before another one just like him but with weirder fashion sense comes along. Shit, makes me think how big of a wanker i must have looked like last time.

Fourth, I'm learning that respect is a given thing. Amidst the jokes and friendly banter, one only finds out how much respect there is between two people when things of a certain sensitivity are involved. i guess you can be wrong for the many little things as long as you are right for the few big things. unfortunately, sometimes it's hard to to know what's important and what's not. it's harder still to give a damn about it. Tell something important to someone you know who always seem to be only up for jokes and laughter and you'll understand.